Help for Shyness - The Thrive Programme in Rickmansworth, Aylesbury and online sessions

Is shyness holding you back?

Many people contact me for help with shyness - it is a very common problem. It is perfectly natural to feel a little shy in certain situations - especially social or work situations where you want to create a good impression, or are meeting people for the first time.

However, shyness becomes a problem when you become so intensely aware of yourself and critical of everything you are doing or saying: being hyper-aware of how others may be perceiving you. You may then come to dread or avoid social situations or interactions as you find them too uncomfortable or challenging.

Shyness is just one of the symptoms of social anxiety, which is a fear of any situation where you are likely to feel embarrassed, humiliated or judged - for example; social gatherings, public speaking, interviews, meetings, or dates.

Because of this self-consciousness, you may become tongue-tied or feel like you are over-talking - just for the sake of saying something. It is difficult to relax and be yourself when you are so concerned about what the other person may be thinking about you. Associated symptoms include sensitivity to criticism, negative self image, fear of rejection, difficulty in being assertive and feelings of inferiority. Basically any situation in life where you might feel embarrassed, on the spot, judged, silly out of control etc.

Shyness at Work

Many people feel shy at work in situations such as meetings, giving presentations ('performance anxiety'), performance reviews, networking events or shyness making phone calls. Often the more pressure or importance attached to these situations, the more shy one can feel. Likewise, shyness is also associated with the perceived superiority of the person you are interacting with - the more powerful or important they seem - the more intimidated or shy one becomes.

Feeling Shy with the Opposite Sex or on dates

Meeting new potential partners can often be daunting. If you are keen to find love or romance, feeling shy with the opposite sex can be a real hurdle. Especially if you really like them and you don't want to blow it! This extra pressure you put on yourself will increase your anxiety and  can lead to feeling tongue-tied, lost for words or a sense of frustration that you and this other person could really hit it off - if only you could open up and be yourself so they could get to know the real you.